


Episode Seven: The Shopping Storm

by NessieFromSpace



Series: Through Thick and Thin, Sickness and Health [7]
Category: Borderlands
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, Established Relationship, F/M, Good dad! Handsome Jack, Jack does not have commitment issues, Jack hates her with a passion, M/M, Rhys' mom is still here, She's very grating on the nerves, Tim and Gaige are adorable, however
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 12:25:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10808973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NessieFromSpace/pseuds/NessieFromSpace
Summary: It's shopping time! You get a room! And you get a room! Everybody gets a room! Except for Doris. Screw that bitch.





	Episode Seven: The Shopping Storm

**Author's Note:**

> Here is Gaige's outfit: 
> 
> Her dress: https://68.media.tumblr.com/2d60a6fcd366834e13224d02379234ab/tumblr_opdwi6rdL51vau6zro1_500.jpg
> 
> Her leggings: http://nessiewithink.tumblr.com/image/160267516725

Angel rolled on her back on Gaige's "L" shaped bunkbed. The top of the piece had two mattresses, while the single one on the bottom, left the extra space for a desk. It was where Gaige threw her school papers and backpack. It mainly went untouched. Gaige's room was the definition of chaotic order. A bookshelf on one wall overflowed with books, but these were kept in good condition, untouched by the tornado of her room. The other piles of books were haphazardly placed, stacked on mostly unstable piles that defied gravity. Her clothes were spread out in several different piles, robot pieces mixed in with them. Her bedding was on the floor, the comforter wrapped around Gaige as she tinkered. Music beat around the room, the dance genre being the only thing they could always agree on.

Having finished her homework hours ago, Angel had opted for reading a magazine. She sighed and looked around the room at her friends. Tim was next to a gigantic pile, folding Gaige's clothes. He had piled every loose clothing item to take care of them all in one go. He was almost finished with it now, having begun the cleaning after breakfast. He danced with the beat, slipping her shirts on hangers and folding the rest. His books were on the bookshelf.

Tim picked up a very bright and fun summer dress. "When did you wear this?"

Gaige glanced over, her lips curling. "For Mom's dinner party." She shivered.

Tim looked at it thoughtfully. "I've never seen you in a dress. I bet you look incredible." He blushed, "I mean, you look incredible every day, but... I dunno..." his cheeks turned a darker red, his freckles that scattered across his face stood out even more. "It would... It would be something new..." he shrugged. "Forget I said anything."

But Gaige was already moving from her chair. She walked past them and into the walk-in closet, leaving her comforter behind in a long line. Angel smiled at Tim, rolling back to her stomach. She winked, which flustered him.

Suddenly, Tim looked at Angel, his hand shielding his view from the closet. Gaige was undressing and not bothering to shield herself. He turned around, so his back faced her and continued folding the clothes. Angel climbed down from her top bunk and made her way into the closet. She was curious about which dress Gaige had chosen. She smiled wide. It was a black and red checkered, corset dress. Angel left and returned with a pair of black and red barcode striped leggings.

Then she left and sat on the chair next to Gaige's bed. She wanted to see Tim's face. She took out her phone and prepared to take pictures.

Gaige stepped out and, for the first time Angel had ever known her, looked self conscious. Her barefeet rolled nervously. "I don't look good in dresses, it's why I never wear them..."

Tim looked her over, a gentle smile spreading across his face. Angel kept clicking that capture button, taking multiple pictures, documenting the whole scene. Tim looked enthralled, captured by a new side of Gaige. He shook his head slowly. "I don't get it, Gaige, you're beautiful. You look amazing. Why would you be self conscious?"

A pinkness appeared on Gaige's cheeks and her smile was wide. "You…Really think so?"

Tim nodded.

Squealing with delight, she skipped over to him, bent over and grabbed his face. She pulled it to hers and kissed him on the lips. "You're the bestest Timothy!" With a new spring in her step, Gaige sat back down at her desk. Timothy, his face red as a lobster, refused to make eye contact with Angel and concentrated fully on cleaning the room.

Angel looked through her pictures, glad her Pops had demanded on getting her the best phone money could buy. The pictures had come out beautifully and crystal clear. This would be perfect for her art project. And her art portfolio. Unable to help herself, she sent a picture to her Dad.

Rhys replied immediately ‘FINALLY! They're so damn cute! And she looks amazing in that dress!’ There was a long moment before he texted again. ‘They had better talk about this, or so help me!’

Angel burst out laughing. She covered her mouth and waited for the two to look at her, but Gaige and Tim were too busy being over the moon to notice. Gaige texted back. ‘I don't think they'd actually talk about it if there was a physical elephant in the room. =/’

‘SIGH. Anyway, your Pops and I and Mother are going furniture shopping today. You should hop on over and see if you like anything? Maybe get Tim to look too. Your Pops and I have talked about making one of the spare rooms his.’

Angel gasped. "Hey, Tim, how much longer until you're done with the clothes?"

He snapped his attention to her. "Uh..."

Easily, Angel stood and began to help him fold them. "Dad just told me we're going furniture shopping for both my room and yours."

Timothy's eyes widened. "M-my room?"

Gaige stopped her tinkering to look at them. "It's about time he got his own room."

Nodding, Angel grabbed a pile of shirts with hangers and loaded them into the closet. "Well, they've been talking about it for a while and I guess having to clear out the house has given them the opportunity to redecorate. We'll leave after the clothes are done."

* * *

The furniture store was huge and expensive looking. Rhys' eyes widened just as Doris' smile grew. But Jack had called ahead of time. He'd informed the manager about the storm that was coming. He'd asked them to follow Rhys and mark down anything he looked interested in, quietly and secretly. And that his daughter and her friends would be arriving soon. They were to be helped with whatever they needed and everything put on Jack’s tab.

Jack wrapped an arm loosely around Rhys’ torso, letting his hand fall ever so cleverly to Rhys’ butt. Rhys sent a glance at Jack, who smiled and squeezed his butt.

Doris looked at them and Jack smiled, squeezing Rhys harder. Glaring daggers, she huffed over to the nearest employee. “You, there!” she called. Jack felt Rhys sigh.

The employee looked at her, startled. Then, they caught Handsome Jack walking up behind her and their eyes widened.

“What did you tell them?” Rhys whispered.

“That Hell’s beast was coming in today and no, it wasn’t me. And that she’d be extremely rude and to write down everyone that has to work with her and that they’ll get a bonus from me if they don’t kill her. I made sure to mention it would be a four figure bonus. I was tempted to make it bigger in case someone actually was tempted to kill her, but, alas, I am a mature adult.”

“Thank goodness for that,” Rhys smirked.

“Hello? Are you dumb? I’m talking to you!” Doris said, snapping her fingers in the employee’s face.

“Mom!” Rhys snapped.

“Well, are they a statue? I can’t tell with how incompetent they are.”

Damn. Jack was going to have to raise this poor shmuck’s bonus. He made sure to sign them that, rubbing his thumb and two fingers together and then pointing upwards. The employee flashed a big, fake smile at Doris. “Yes, ma’am, can I help you?”

“Ma’am!” she scoffed. “Do not address me as that!”

The employee blinked. “What… Should I call you?” they asked cautiously.

“Miss! Of course!”

They looked at her and Jack laughed. “You haven’t been a Miss for thousands of years!”

A glare that could kill was sent to Jack. Doris looked back at the employee. “Well, are you stupid? Aren’t you going to ask what I need?”

“A coffin,” Jack mumbled. Rhys smirked.

“What can I help you with,  _ Miss? _ ”

“We’re decorating this couple’s house they just moved into and I can’t trust them not to do the crazy, wild colors that gays do.”

Rhys glared, his cheeks reddening with anger. “What the fuck?” He leaned into Jack, “Using colors doesn’t mean you’re gay. You’re gay as all hell, but you don’t care for your house at all.”

“You made me gay as hell, babe,” Jack said, kissing Rhys’ temple. “I’m snuggly bi, but damn those legs and that ass.”

Rhys giggled.

Doris shot them a glare.

“Just flirtin’ Doris!” Jack called. “We weren’t even talking about you at all! I was just gonna tell this cutie what I was going to do to him in very graphic detail!”

Rhys’ face reddened.

A disgusted grunt blasted from her nose. “Absolutely disgusting!”

“Said the pot,” Jack quipped.

She wheeled on them. “We are here in  _ public _ ! And you’re planning sexual transgressions!?”

“Yeah, you got any tips? Afterall, public sexual transgressions are your speciality.” Jack smiled wide and charming.

Doris sneered and turned away, snapping at the employee to follow. Jack pulled Rhys along, his hand still on his ass.

* * *

“Woah… What a fucking bitch,” Gaige said. The three of them were just inside the door and had seen everything. “ _ That’s _ Rhys’ mom? She needs to accidentally get set on fire, badly. I didn’t know your Pops was bi.”

Angel smiled. “Well, yeah, he married my mom and dated Nisha.”

Gaige frowned. “I always forget it wasn’t just Rhys and him.”

Angel’s smile was distant. “C’mon, let’s go.” They went to the nearest employee and asked for a list of items of the store, followed by who they were, Handsome Jack’s daughter. They jumped to attention and handed her two copies of their inventory and was about to accompany them, when Angel declined. Timothy would not be open with his wishes if there was a stranger around.

They made their way, looking at things, keeping separate from Angel’s parents and the hellbeast. Gaige held Tim’s inventory sheet as Angel managed hers.

Gaige flitted from section to section, scrutinizing everything. Only the best for her Tim Tam. Timothy found himself happily surprised when he admired something quietly and then Gaige ran up to check it on the list on her own. He hadn’t realized she paid so much attention to him.

“OOOH! This would go amazing in your room, Timmy Tam!” Gaige said, running over to a painting. “This would be perfect!” It was people posing in different colors. “Hmmm, just not the picture though…” She scribbled a note down. Tim followed closely to her, looking at her notes. “It’s going to be great, Timmy! I can see it all now! Your room will be fantastic!” She ran ahead as she saw a bed.

“You okay with her planning your room?” Angel asked.

Tim shrugged. “I wouldn’t even know where to start. At least here, I can look over what she picked.”

Smiling, Angel nodded. “She does know you really well. It’ll be interesting to see how close she gets.”

Tim smiled. Gaige ran to a desk with lots of drawers. She smiled over at Tim. “This would be perfect for your room! So many places to put stuff!”

Gaige looked at all the other nooks and crannies. Timothy winced as they got closer. Angel shoved him forward, urging him to say something. He coughed. “U-uh… Gaige…?” his voice cracked. He could feel sweat begin to beat down his back. “Uh… I don’t…”

“What?” she looked at him.

He stammered violently before Angel shoved him again. “LIKE IT!” he burst out.

“Oh,” she frowned. She looked at the desk for a long moment. Timothy shrank back, but Gaige smiled. “You’re right! This is more of a  _ me _ desk. We need a  _ you _ desk! Something… minimal.” She nodded. “Yeah, you’re a bit of a minimalist, unless it’s books. Oh! We HAVE to look at bookcases!” Her eyes grew wide. “You need a library!” She gripped Timothy’s shirt as she jumped up and down.

Angel smiled. “We could probably make that happen.”

Tim jumped. “Oh! I couldn’t ask that!”

But Angel was already texting Jack.

* * *

Jack felt his phone buzz. He silently slipped it out, watching Doris ahead of them. She pointed to furniture and looked over the employee’s shoulder. He read the message and showed it to Rhys. Rhys’ eyes grew wide and he nodded. Jack relayed the answer.

Rhys wandered to a set of couches, admiring them. They were a navy blue with pastel yellow pillows. He smiled and sat down on it. His eyes closed and he sank deeper into the cushions. Jack smiled, loving how relaxed he looked. He eyed the spying employee, who was writing down the items. Good. Jack sat down next to Rhys.

“Huh, this is comfortable-”

“It is!” Rhys said, excited. “And the color’s amazing!”

Jack smirked, watching Rhys light up.

“Hey! Get up!” Doris ordered.

Rhys sagged in the couch, his lip curling at her voice. “I knew I should have just faked my death.”

Jack’s eyes widened. “You thought about that?”

“With  _ her _ ? Hell to the yes! She could have collected on my life insurance and have been done with it. We both would have been happy. I never would have had to see her again and she’d be rich- for a month.” He sighed.

Jack patted his leg.

Doris cleared her throat as she stomped over to them. “If you two are done?”

Jack grinned at her, his hand sliding up Rhys’ leg. “We haven’t even started.”

“Ugh!” She turned abruptly from the two.

But Jack frowned. “She’s getting too easy to annoy.” He pulled his phone out and texted Wilhelm.

They stood and followed Doris. Across the building, they spotted the kiddos. Gaige, forgetting to be incognito, waved wildly at them. Angel tugged her arm down, frowning. Timothy giggled as the two girls exchanged harsh words.

“God, I love them,” Rhys said, his smile wide.

“Yeah,” Jack said. “Me too.” He wagged his finger at Gaige. Gaige pulled at her eye and stuck her tongue out at Jack. Jack was taken aback. “That little…” he made a face back at her. He eyed Doris, she was oblivious.

Gaige made another face. Jack made another. Rhys and Angel giggled, but Timothy looked nervously at Doris. Gaige walked and mimicked a monkey. Jack’s frown deepened and he thought for a moment. Then he began to mimic a chicken. He turned and shook his butt at her.

Doris turned around at Rhys’ giggled and Jack straightened, flashing her a large, innocent smile. She sniffed her nose at him and continued.

Gaige followed suit, flapping her arms and running around wildly, cooing like a drowning chicken. She didn’t see the table at her side and hit it. “Shit!” she hissed.

Doris glared at her. Rhys and Jack covered their mouths, forcing themselves to keep composure. Angel and Timothy were laughing, but checked to make sure she was alright. Gaige rubbed her leg.

“Ugh, such juvenility! What a little tart!”

Rhys frowned, his laughter dying and his anger swelling. “How do you know that’s what she is? How do you know it wasn’t just an accident?”

“Look at her! She’s dressed like a-”

“No, she isn’t!” Rhys snapped. “You don’t even know her or what she was doing before she accidentally hit the table. What if she was blind?”

“That’s her own fault th-”

“You are unbelievably arrogant,” Rhys said.

“Excuse me?” Doris’ eyes narrowed on Rhys. “How  _ dare _ you talk to me like that? I’m-”

“A bitch!” Rhys snarled. “You are a self-righteous, frigid, old bitch! You’ve never had a nice bone in your body!”

Doris stepped close to Rhys. “And you’re pathetic! You’re useless and stupid and I don’t know why I ever thought you could be worth something! You’ve never taken care of me, you ungrateful-”

Jack jammed himself between them, staring Doris down. His eyes had grown dark and he pushed her into a dresser.

“Unhand me you brute!”

“Oh, you have no idea how brutish I can really be,” Jack whispered. “You don’t know what I’m capable of, but you, oh, you are making me think of new and darker forms of torture. Things I would have originally thought too cruel. But if they’re being done to you, they suddenly become too merciful.”

Doris opened her mouth to complain, but Jack stepped closer. “You will not speak anymore. You will listen. I’ve been way too patient with you and how you treat  _ my  _ Rhys. I’ve let you live. If any other person treated him like that, they’d disappear before they could blink. But I’m reaching the end of my patience and you won’t like the outcome. I’m Handsome fucking Jack. I could kill you and no one would even try to stop me. So, think about that and your life very carefully before you say your next words. And if they’re anywhere negative, I  _ will _ murder you.”

Doris pushed on his chest. “I have never!” she breathed heavily, her voice pitching loudly. “I have never been so threatened and insulted!” she pushed him.

Jack caught one of her wrists tightly. “Please.  _ Please _ push me one more time.”

She ripped her wrist from him and moved past him to Rhys. “Are you going to let him treat me like that?”

Rhys shook his head. “I can’t even right now.” He walked away. “Goodbye.”

“Outrageous!” She started after Rhys, but Jack stepped in front of her.

“Think,  _ very  _ carefully, Doris.”

Her mouth shut, then opened, but then shut again. She let out an incredibly loud, angry and strangled growl and then stormed away.

Jack looked at the employee who had been following Doris around. “Make sure she leaves the store.” The employee nodded and followed her out.

Jack glared in her direction, but turned when he heard Rhys. Rhys stepped into him, wrapping his arms tightly around Jack’s torso, smushing his face against Jack’s chest. Jack held onto Rhys, but watched until Doris left the building, flipping the employee the middle finger.

“I’m going to add her to my shit list.”

Rhys giggled a little, but sighed. “I’m so sorry, Jack-”

“Don’t,” Jack ordered. He took a moment to center himself. “Don’t apologize, Rhysie. You didn’t pick her as a mother.” He kissed Rhys’ lips. “Now, let’s do some proper furniture shopping.”

Rhys’ eyes widened. “Yeah?” a large smile spread over his face and he took Jack’s hand and pulled him deeper into the store.

* * *

“Holy shit, your Pops was amazing! I wanted to pee myself from fear!” Gaige said, her eyes wide.

“I wonder what happened to make Dad snap like that? He just started yelling at her,” Angel said. She smirked as she glanced at Gaige. “Pops has always been that scary. He can be because he’s honest. If he says he’ll kill you, he will.”

“Wicked!” Gaige whispered, her grin wide. She suddenly stopped. “Hey, wait. Do  _ I _ get my own room?”

Angel laughed. “Sure, why not?”

“Cool! But first, we finish Tim’s!” They circled the store, finding things all three liked. They had to go around again for Gaige and she saw things for the first time, having been so focused on Timothy’s room. She picked hers, going wild, picking everything that caught her fancy.

“You know we won’t be able to put all of this in your room, right?” Angel said as they walked along.

“Hmm, true…” she looked at her paper and went through her things, crossing off item after item. “I want that wardrobe though! I’ve never had one! Oh! And that canopy bed! Queen size with all the room! Oh and that one desk Timothy didn’t like! I’m gonna get secret on that shit!” Her tongue curled around her mouth in concentration.

When they were finally finished ordering everything, they met Rhys and Jack as they were finishing their order. They all left together, climbing in Jack’s expensive minivan, Hyperion issue.

They stopped for lunch, piling out, Gaige hanging off the door and calling at Jack like a monkey.

He laughed. “I don’t have bananas on me.”

Gaige screamed angrily at him, but jumped down. “Good. I hate bananas.”

“That’s cause you are bananas.”

Gaige giggled.

Rhys nudged Timothy. “I hear you’re getting a library. That’s awesome!”

Timothy smiled.

Rhys eyed Angel, who gave him a thumbs up. He smirked and leaned across Timothy. “When did you want to tell him?”

Angel thought for a moment. “Sooner’s better. I just don’t want him cancelling it.”

Rhys frowned. “He wouldn’t do that would he?” Angel looked at him pointedly. Rhys remembered when they’d played the board game and how Jack had melted at the thought of Angel growing up. “Well,” rhys said, “I trust your judgement, so we’ll tell him when you think we should.”

Angel nodded.

They sat down and ordered. They had a large U-shaped table next to windows. Rhys slid in next to Jack, who pulled Rhys tight against him. They kissed. “Missed you,” Rhys said.

Jack frowned. “I’ve been with you all day.”

Rhys leaned on Jack’s shoulder. “I know. But I missed you.”

A smile curling his lips, Jack pressed a kiss against Rhys’ temple. His eyes widened. “Uh, oh.”

They all turned. Wilhelm had entered the restaurant and was storming over, his fists clenched. “Jack, you f-” Wilhelm eyed the children and made a strangled sound as he curbed his language. “F-reaking… Ja-erk!” He let his large fists rest on the table.

“Wilhelm! Join us!” Jack said pleasantly.

“Why the hel-ck didn’t you warn me about that…” he fought for any word that wasn’t a swear word.

“Hellbeast?” Jack offered.

Rhys frowned. “You met my mother? How?”

“I had him escort her into a taxi and out of our lives.”

“Oh…” he smiled at Wilhelm. “Thank you! I know she’s extremely difficult.”

“She slapped me.”

“What?” Rhys asked. “She’s never slapped anybody else before…”

Jack narrowed on him. “She’s slapped you before?” he let out a shaking breath. “I knew I should have killed her.” He eyed Wilhelm. “What’d you say to her?”

Growling, Wilhelm sat next to Gaige, who quickly moved out of the way, onto Tim’s lap. She did not want to be squashed by the large man. Tim flushed horribly as Angel moved to make more room. Tim slid out from under Gaige and concentrated on his menu.

“Nothing!” Wilhelm grunted.

“Mm, just like I say  _ nothing _ to her,” Jack said, eyeing Wilhelm.

“Well, either way, we’ll pay for your meal, as a thank you,” Rhys said.

Wilhelm nodded.

“I’m redecorating my room.”

Eyes turned to Angel. She smiled nervously at Jack.

“What?” Jack asked, his voice quiet.

“She’s redecorating her room,” Rhys said calmly. “Her and I both thought that maybe it was time she had more fitting furniture.”

“And walls,” Angel said quietly.

“Walls…” Jack echoed. “And you’re telling me-”

“After I’ve ordered everything,” Angel said.

“Ah. I see.”

“Pop, it-”

Jack began to shove Rhys out of the booth. Rhys fell trying to get out. Jack caught him, but did not look at him.

“Pop…” Angel said.

“I’m going home. Wilhelm, give me your keys.”

Wilhelm obliged easily. Jack tossed the keys to the van on the table. He walked away, his body stiff.

Angel let out a huff. “Well, that went… Exactly how I thought it would.”

Rhys handed his card to Wilhelm. “Make sure they get home.” He followed after Jack.

Angel sagged in the booth. “I should have handled that better.”

“You handled it just fine,” Wilhelm grunted, moving to the other side and stretching out.

“Why was he so upset?” Gaige asked.

“Well… My mom and him painted that room. All the furniture in there, she picked out too. She died when I was three and Pops kept all the furniture, but he couldn’t bare the thought of getting rid of any of it, so I’ve slept in the same bed since I was six.”

“It’s time he moved on, Angelbaby,” Wilhelm said. “It’s been over ten years, he needs to accept the fact she’s gone and then accept the fact you’re growing up. He needs to deal with it and let you out of whatever stupid box he’s kept you in.”

She smiled sadly. “We’ll see.”

* * *

.::Earlier that Day::.

 

Wilhelm breathed out slowly as he waited. The suitcase sat beside him and he was getting extremely bored. So, when he saw the taxi drive up, he was relieved for a moment, until he saw the woman. He felt a shiver try to crawl up his spine as her glare bore into him. He stayed as he was, leaning against the stone wall attached to the gate.

The woman slammed the door and ordered the driver to leave. Wilhelm stopped him. “You’re still needed,” he said, leaning in the window.

“Well, I hope you’re going to do something useful and open this gate!” the woman said, her words sharp and sour.

“You Doris?” Wilhelm asked, unphased.

“You mean,  _ are you Doris? _ Proper grammar is a real thing, you know? I am Doris. And you are?”

Wilhelm hoisted her bag up and into her arms. “Here ya go. The cab’s waiting.”

Dropping her bag, she glared at him. “Excuse me? I’m not leaving yet!”

“Yes, you are. I was given specific orders to pack the hellbeast’s bags and kick her the fuck out. That’s what I’m doing. Get on.” Wilhelm gestured to the taxi.

“Hellbeast! That’s what that… Pissweed calls me! Well, I will show him! And how do I know you got everything of mine? What if you or that idiot stole something from me?”

“Like what, your bra?”

Doris wheeled her hand back and slapped him. The large man did not move. He blinked and then took a large breath in, extending his body. Doris howled, cradling her hand. “You broke it! I just know it! I am going to sue you!”

Wilhelm, picked up her bag and threw it in the trunk of the car, which was hastily opened by the driver. He then, took Doris by her upper arm and shoved her into the taxi.

“Unhand me! I’m going to sue you for molestation!”

Wilhelm leaned in close to her. “I wouldn’t touch you to save my life.” And then he slammed the door.

**Author's Note:**

> Whew! Doris is gone!!!!!........... Or is she?????? Muhahahaha! Anyway! Sorry I've been gone for a loooonnngggg time! It's been busy at home! But I give you a new chapter!
> 
> My tumblr: http://nessiefromspace.tumblr.com/  
> My Borderlands/ fanart tumblr: http://nessiefromink.tumblr.com/


End file.
